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Brundlefly
the Apok is living off government money now. I got my first unemployment check today. Many years ago, the notion would’ve made me sick, leeching off the government like this, but i’m far beyond caring, and realize that its the government that’s been leeching off me for years. I get a cool $300 a week, which isn’t bad scratch at all for doing shit. I’ve been living in nothing but my shorts and boots, and occassionally i’ll throw on a [...]
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Outdoors
We grab the ten foot inflatable boat from his truck, and my uncle asks me if i’m ready for a workout, followed by a chuckle i’m not too comfortable with. The Apok, as you well know, is soft, and not built for much manual labor. And my uncle, you see, is a retired Marine captain, making me look softer than a marshmallow. So we carry the boat to the river. I’ll show you this great cove, he says, but we’ve [...]
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Just Say No
**Originally appeared on Duckduckduckgoose.com** I ordered a turkey club. Can you make it plain? Sure, she says. Out it comes, minutes later, lathered in mayonaisse, as if it were on fire and only this awful white substance could put it out. What is it about mayonaisse lovers and their insistance on making all of us eat it? There are 6.5 billion people in the world. Not all of them crave mayonaisse like a baby craves teat. Some of us think [...]
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Cereal Institution
**Originally appeared on Duckduckduckgoose.com** That is a good question – why are we attracted to the foods we are? I was thinking this same question today as i was walking through the cereal aisle. Kids must’ve changed in the last decade, because when i bought cereal, i bought it for the cool thing i got inside. I didn’t care if it was something stupid, like a pair of 3D glasses or plain piece of styrofoam, if it was free and [...]
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Meat and cheese
I step up to the plexiglass wall, and order: To go. Regular on white, classic club with bacon. Plain, only meat and cheese. You’d think that would be the end of it, right? I like to be as helpful as i can. I thought i’ve provided all the necessary information. Make it, you, and take my wife’s order. Sadly, no. From behind his array of evil toppings and dressings, the man in the hat asks me: No mayonaisse? I shake [...]
