Archives: January2004

• Human Slurpee

  So the first of my weekly trips to Wilkes-barre, PA is complete. As SDO old schoolers know, my wife goes to this dump of a town once a year for 4 weeks for her job. The town is so lame, it has a hypenated name. Only pretentious whores hypenate their names. Wilkes-barre is a whore. And still, no one knows how to pronounce it. Is it Wilkes-Berry? Wilkes-Bar? Wilkes-Bear? Everyone says something different. At least in Baltimore, even though we [...]

• Jack the Shitter

  What the fuck happened to heavy metal music? In my day, when we went to our Anthrax or Megadeth shows, there was a dress code. Jeans. Black t-shirts. We at least tried to look counterculture. We hated the man, we hated the squares, and we hated the jocks. What happened? So we just came back from the Linkin Park show, and you’d think Quiksilver or Billabong shirts were required. These are the kids who used to beat our asses when [...]

• Tooth decay

  Was it toothpaste, or superglue? I really wasn’t sure. I mean, it looked like toothpaste. It smelled like toothpaste. It said it had some peppermint Scope mixed in for extra marketability. Fun, i thought. Brushing my teeth should be a treat. It was no treat, however, i can assure you. I squeezed on one end. Nothing. Then, on the other. It had no lid. Was it a secret invisible lid? Is this a new level in child safety? No, i [...]

• Khan

  Since i haven’t blogged in forever, ima give you IM conversations to feint content. Psyko Phreak: I was reading on fark about how they think they discovered teh first big extinction came from a solar flare that hit earth Psyko Phreak: broke the ozone, killing 75% of life off the bat. Psyko Phreak: then the air turned brown Psyko Phreak: blocking the sun causing an ice age. Psyko Phreak: kinda a 1 – 2 extinction punch Psyko Phreak: I think [...]