Archives: January2003

• From the Nose of Death Dept.

  So i have year-round allergies, and i take Zyrtec to stop my nose from running, and Entex to dry up whatever is in there now. I ran out of Zyrtec but had an abundance of Entex, so i took just that today. As a result, my nose kept running all day, slowly, and it kept drying up all day, constantly. So i’ve had to pick out little crusty snot nuggets out of my nose all day. And they’re unusually hard [...]

• From the Dinner from Another Planet Dept.

  So here i am in Wilkes-barre, PA again. To kill time while my wife was at work, i stopped by the local Walmart. I only have the opportunity to visit it on saturdays, and Jesus H Christ its so busy you’d think these people were starving for capitalism like it was a fresh grilled steak. They flocked to the sales and values faster than the Bush administration to a smallpox vaccine. Trying to manuever through the aisles was harder than [...]

• From the Proud Mary Keeps on Rolling Dept.

  Its amazing how quickly one degenerates without a wife. I fell asleep last night, HBF IRC room overlooking a half eaten bowl of tuna helper, sprawled out on my bed complete with work clothes and boots on. Thus far these past two weeks i have been dumb enough to miss half of my meals, and to take to cleaning my garage out, at night, in 10 degree weather. In other news, it is my birthday monday. Love me, fuckers. Your [...]

• From the Running Fine Dept.

  The average Gateway client’s registry:

• From the Out and About Dept.

  And so i began my 3 hour trek from Baltimore to Kingston, PA, where my wife is staying for four weeks on business. Most of the trip was normal. Taking highways 83 and 81. Once getting past the wind, that is, which feels like a hundred gremlins are pushing on my car, invariably in the direction of a tractor trailer. I took the wrong exit up near my destination, but found myself by the friendly neighborhood Walmart, and i knew [...]

• From the Eyes be damned Dept.

  So i had an appointment with the eye doctor today. My eyes have been hurting. Staring at monitors all day will do that to you. I get these headaches halfway through the day that are so painful, i’d much rather shove steel needles into my anus than endure another minute. So i get my appointment, and set off this morning. I expect to look for an office building, or something to that effect. No, my brothers. This place was hidden [...]

• From the Corrupting Youth Dept.

  So i was singing Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer in my head earlier. Have you ever really paid attention to what we’ve been singing, and teaching our children? Rudolph is an outcast, and no one wants to let him play in any games or shit like that. Rudolph is the loser, the outcast. Then big old Santa wants something that he has – the red light from his faucet. Actually, Santa needs it. If it weren’t for that fog, Santa probably [...]

• From the Meat Filler Dept.

  Here it is, o my brothers, the time of year again when my wife goes away for an entire month. If you know me at all, you’ll know i am dependent on my wife for a number of things. As a result, in her absence, my geek quotient goes sky high and i zone out in front of the computer for several hours in a day. I have actually, for the first time, gone into a IRC room, compliments of [...]

• From the Back in Time Dept.

  So i spent New Year’s Day reminiscing. Not about 2002, but about the glorious 80′s. VH1 was running a 10 hour marathon called I LOVE THE 80′s. From the moment i started frying eggs to just before i fell asleep, i was immersed in the decade of greed, new wave, and the A-Team. There were so many things that i saw again that i had forgotten about, like Ice-T in the movie Breakin’, to things i was i had forgotten [...]