Archives: November2002

• From the No Rest for the Wicked Dept.

  One of those weekends from hell… So i’ve been sick for several days now. Having lost my voice almost completely Thursday night, i called out Friday and went to the doctor’s. As luck would have it, my old doctor moved somewhere, but i found a pretty cool new doctor. She is kind of formal and a little creepy in a math teacher kind of way, but she was very thorough, clear and thoughtful. I have a lung and throat infection, [...]

• From the … Dept.

  Regarding Final Fantasy 9… You have Quina, the beastly androgynous thing that eats enemies and gains their skills. It is armed with only a fork, yet can do upwards of 500HP in one hit… So i have to wonder, if a thing like that can get up close enough to do that much damage with a fork, why can’t it just go the extra step and jab the fork through the monster’s eye and into its brain, or pluck out [...]

• From the Metroid: Operation Ass Dept.

  So whats with the Metroid Prime bullshit? This game was there in the beginning, it was like the side-scroller of the early 80′s. And then let’s not forget the awe-inspiring SNES sequel. So why the hell do they have to go and turn it into a first person shooter?! Thats like discontinuing the pork chop and selling it only drenched in ranch or something similary horrid! There is no reason to take a game that made a platform great and [...]

• From the Melodrama Dept.

  “Have you tried the four cheese dortios yet?” my wife asks innocently. So i grab the bag and take one out. As i reach it to my mouth i notice seasoning or something on it, which i’m assuming is like pizza flavoring. Yay, i think, as i like pizza flavored stuff as much as the next guy. Oh no, my tongue tells me, as this foul tortilla chip shatters into little pieces of dorito death in my mouth and invades [...]

• From the Santa Dept.

  I need this. It screams “home repair” and “ultra-heavy” in one breath.

• From the ZARKLAR Dept.

  Have you ever seen the old sci-fi movie The Forbin Project? Its about a computer the US builds called Colossus, that is designed to prevent war. It hooks up with the USSR equivalent and dominates the world. It basically makes humans subservient and decisionless, since man is its own greatest enemy, the same theme explored in the 4th Dune book, God Emperor of Dune. Excellent idea and movie. Anyhow, i just thought it was was amazingly coincidental that the Colossus [...]

• From the Presentation Model Dept.

  So we had a guy come over to give us an estimate on our windows and siding. As it turns out, people won’t just come out and give you an estimate anymore. They always send a salesperson to tell you how great their company is blah blah blah for a few hours and usually wind up dissuading you from buying anything. So this guy comes over, and automatically he gets points cuzz his name is Mario, and i’m thinking all [...]